Saturday, August 9, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
SAWS 2008 - Game 5 vs. Josh Gurin's Chaos Daemons: The Final Shame of Pussywillow
Josh's list is pretty heinous. He admitted straightaway that people had been giving him a hard time about it. I was certainly no exception:
Bloodthirster, flaming axe, eternal hatred the isn't hatred item
Tzeentch Herald, Chariot
1x30 Horrors
2x10 Horrors
1x7 Furies
1x7 Corndogs
1x5 Screamers
2x6 Flamers
I told him that in my opinion it's the two units of flamers that is most atrocious. The Bloodthirster leading a non Khorne army is something you run into, it's not so bad, but the second unit of flamers is the most apparent abuse of the army selection; but that's all another story...
I knew I was outclassed w/ this army. My goal was to go for a draw and hope that dumb luck might get me a win. My pep-talk for my army went something like: "Some of you are going to have to die for no good reason other than to keep his army occupied...and Pussywillow for the love of GOD don't act like a weeping vagina this game."
Deployment:
I had way more drops than Josh. I planned to use the usual strategy and loaded down my left flank early w/ the Wild Riders, Glade Riders, Eagle, and Dryads (hoping to run them out in the first turn). I dropped the wardancers in the middle to feign as though they would come through the trees. When he dropped his flamers on opposite flanks I might have gotten a hard-on. I pretty much dropped my whole right flank after he had deployed. My goal was to bum rush that right, throw 5 dice per turn on Beast Cowers to bog down the Bloodthirster, and kill his herald and screamers. Here's deployment:
Daemons Turn 1:
Josh went first and dreams were smashed from the get go. He plopped his furies right down in front of my Wild Riders. Now both them and the glade riders were march blocked and probably not going to escape the dogs. All I really cared about this turn was what he did w/ his BT. If he decided to fly over the woods and press my right flank I think he probably could have wiped me off the board, but instead he flew the BT up to trap the Wild Riders and Glade Riders on the left. Most everything advances, the flamers who I'm determined to pwn hide behind a hill. He casts flickering flame at something (can't remember) and I dispel it. He casts the big bolt from the Horror bock and I scroll that. He cast flickering flame at the blue alter noble and I dispel it.
WE Turn 1:
Nothin' to it but to do it. Wild Riders Charge those furies; I'm hoping to pop them and get into the face of the dogs and tie them up for a turn. I wanna keep that blood thirster on the left side of the wood so I give him two choices: Dryads and Glade Riders, who I put real close to the table edge because at this point I'm still under the assumption that the BT has hatred and I want him to fly off the board. the Eagle gets the hell out of dodge. On the other flank I flood the zone of the flamers. Alter on the hill planning to unload the HoDA, other two in the forest to charge turn 2 and the Wild Riders behind the terrain feature to charge through. In the middle I see an oppurtunity worth pursuing now that the BT is not a huge threat, I move Pussywillow up through the trees and into LOS of the Herald, I'm going to throw 5 dice at Wolf Hunts and see what happens...and it goes off w/ IF! Pussywillow is in combat with the Herald (though he takes a flaming wound on the stand and shoot). Shooting phase I drop 3 wounds onto the flamers from the HoDA. Combat phase and Pussywillow swings all 5 times at the Herald but only manages to do 1 wound. The Wild Riders swing like real dill-holes and only stick 2 wounds on the Furies, who stick 2 wounds back! We measure it up and they are 11 3/4" from the BT and Josh rolls a 7 to take no res damage...shit.
Daemon Turn 2:
Here comes the Bloodthirster, flanking the Wild Riders and my Glade Riders are all calling me the worst general they've ever died for. Josh makes the decision to charge the Blue Alter noble w/ the flamers. It's a good decision on Josh's part and I'm at a loss for what to do. The reason is, I thought I would kill the Herald in the last round and that pesky US5 chariot wouldn't be right behind me. Now I have no choice but to take the charge, though luckily this alter has the Amber Pendant and there's already a wound on the flamers so I'm confident that I can kill one and only suffer form 2 WS2 attacks in the close combat. The Dogs come up behind the Furies while the Screamers opt to fly over the Dryads killing a few and the Horror blocks do some shuffling. In the magic phase the little horror block on my right casts flickering flames at my Wild Riders. I pick up two dice and add my MR(1) dice and promptly roll snake eyes...fuck. They end up taking 4 wounds and now I'm left w/ a champion and standard. This turn would be bloody for the WE...before shooting and combat the board looks like this:
Shooting phase: OOPS! I totally forgot about the left flank flamers...bye bye Glade Riders.
Combat: BT completely handles the WR. The Herald fight results in Pussywillow killing the Herald. I argue that the chariot should count as destroyed but Josh diagrees. We consult Mark (tournament judge) and he sides w/ Josh, now Pussywillow has to kill the chariot in his own turn and will be right out in the open for a Big Bolt from the huge Horror block in the Daemon turn. The Blue Alter puts two wounds on the flamers and takes one himself, he flees through the chariot (but it's only US4 now!) and the flamers pursue into the Pink Alter. The board looks like this:
WE Turn 2:
Wardancers and Dryads charge the Screamers. Dryads and the Red Alter charge the flamers. The crippled Wild Riders charge the block of horrors. The range is dubious so we roll for it and fate decides the Wild Riders make it. The Blue Alter rallies but really doesn't like where he ended up.
Dryads in the bottom left flank are screwed and they know it. They shuffle towards the board edge and taunt the Bloodthrister and Corndogs "Come on dickheads, waste a turn on us!". My Lord's unit move up to prepare for hiding. In my magic phase I try to throw Beast Cowers on the BT but miscast and take a wound. The WE decide shooting is for pussies and so we go straight to the combat phase. Dryads and wardancers mop up screamers (I forgot they only have 1 wound now). Dryads and Red Alter put 2 wounds on Flamers, who return one wound on the Red Alter before the Pink Alter attacks for another 2 wounds, they take their test and pop. The Dryads overrun to be in charge range of the right flank horror block (picture not really to scale on this issue). The Wild Riders don't swing so hard, killing one Horror and drawing the combat. Pussywillow does terrible just when I need him too, doing no wounds to the chariot and forcing it to take 3 res wounds, leaving it w/ 1. Now he is immune to the Big Bolt and can kill the chariot in the Daemon turn 3 combat phase.
Daemon Turn 3:
The Corn Dogs charge the Dryads but the Bloodthirster has bigger fish to fry. He gets up in my business on the right side of the tree line and I start to sweat a little bit. The furies end up in the nook of some trees (not sure how they got there). The left flank flamers advance towards the right and the horror blocks shuffle a bit. In the magic phase the big horror block throws flickering flames at my blue alter and I dispel it. Then they throw the big bolt at my Alter and I scroll it. In the combat phase Pussywillow willow-whacks the chariot and it explodes. Over on the right flank the Wild Rider standard bearer throws a wound on the horrors and takes one back, I hold my breath and make the armor save to win the combat. The Corndogs make mustard of my dryads and run off the edge. Board looks like:
WE Turn 3:
I have some things to consider. The Blue Alter and Pussywillow are deep in enermy territory. I consider running them out but the Blue Alter already has one wound and so it only worth about 79 points now. I figure w/ that 190pt. block of horrors sitting right there that I should probably go for the points and so I blow the horn w/ my alter to make him ItP and double charge Pussywillow into the front and the alter into the flank. The Dryads on the right flank come to save the Wild Rider standard. My Lords unit runs into the trees while everything else gets out of sight of the BT.
In the combat phase Pussywillow and the Alter prance about the horror block like the Bushwhackers from early 90's WWF, throwing 5 wounds into the unit and popping them. They both decide to overrun, the Blue Alter sprinting 13" into the middle of nowhere and Pussywillow following though into the Big Block of Horrors (at this point I'm starting to have flashbacks of Games 1 and 3). On the right the dryads rip into the horrors, dealing 3 wounds, the Wild Rider adds another one but unfortunately falls to a horror attack. However a bad roll from Josh pops the unit and gives me back my captured standard.
Daemon Turn 4:
The dogs come back onto the board and bark at my Eagle. The flamer evaporate the Blue Alter, who goes down in a ball of flames screaming "Help me Tom Cruise! Put out the fire w/ your witchcraft!" The BT has been drooling over Pussywillow all game and now that he's out of the trees the BT comes flying over to put his S7 flaming axe to good use. Pussywillow looks to be be screwed and I'm hoping that he'll do what he does best and break from combat, but the leafy douchebag decides to grow balls when faced w/ certain death and sticks around after losing combat to the horrors.
WE turn 4:
It's already do the point where I'm thinking of the endgame. I push some things into the woods in the middle planning to jump out and claim table quarters in the 6th, I drop the eagle behind the dogs, I push the dryads in the upper right into the board corner to claim a table quarter. My lord and the two alter's hide in the woods. My lord, despite her intense hatred for Pussywillow, throws five dice at beast cowers on the BT rolls up a 16. Josh is down to just 4 dice and only rolls a 15, so Pussywillow is saved from certain doom and all the wood elves breathe a sigh of relief. But oh wait! Pussywillow, upon seeing that he bloodthirster is NOT going to stick the axe up his thorny ass, decides that the fight is no longer worth it and breaks from combat! Thankfully he outruns the horrors but the rest of the WE's are all shaking their heads in disbelief at the unbelievable asshattery of this daft fucking tree.
Daemon Turn 5:
The horrors decide not to charge Pussywillow (who has 4 wounds left) and rather to combine flamer shooting w/ the Big Bolt to take him down (since I was out of scrolls at this point). *NOTE: my pictures differ from the report here, I though the flamers roasted my eagle but I was wrong, the eagle survives and remains behind the Corndogs all game). The dice completely screw Josh this turn, his flamers fail to put a single wound on Pussywillow; and after I failed to dispel the Big Bolt on 4 dice Josh only rolled 4 hits at S6, doing 2 wounds bringing the Big Fag (pun intended) down to 2 wounds.
WE Turn 5:
Pussywillow rallies...whew. But my Lord catches him batting his eyelashes at the Bloodthirster (who was GHB'd last turn w/ Beast Cowers). The spellweaver scolds Pussywillow for being a complete homo and casts The Wolf Hunts on him to send him into the furies for 72 extra VP. Pussywillow, distraught over his denied love affair lays down his branches and refuses to wound any furies, who take 2 wounds from combat res and wonder why this depressed tree is bugging them. As we head into Turn 6 it is apparent to all wood elves at the board save for myself that Pussywillow is bitter and lonely and that he will surely fuck me in Turn 6.
Daemon Turn 6:
The horror block charges Pussywillow in the rear (I think it was actually the flank but it's inconsequential) as he bawls over the departure of his Bloodthirster crush, who flies into the upper right to contest the table quarter. In combat he swings half heartedly as he dolefully sings "Where have all the cowboys gone?" by Paula Cole, killing 2 furies w/ his awful voice. He loses the combat and all the WE's prepare for him to break when, to the surprise of all, he decides to stick around out of sheer apathy.
WE Turn 6:
The WE's pop out the woods to claim their table quarters. Everyone turns towards Pussywillow, if he continues to stand (even if it's just out of apathy) we still stand a chance. In combat he swings and kills the last fury...it's all down to this, do it Pussywillow! Do it! Win us the the game you beautiful bastard! At the last moment Pussywillow looks up...he's not sad anymore...what's that on his face...why...why it's a sneer!!!
"FUCK YOU JOHNNY!!!" he screams as his break test rolls an 11. He runs off in glee, his bare ass hanging from his foliage w/ the words "Bite Me" scrawled across his barky buttcheeks. The horrors are so flabbergasted they decide not even to pursue and contest a table quarter instead.
I'm absolutely pissed the fuck off...I'm considering walking outside and punting the treeman model over the fence. I add up points w/ Josh and it turns out I lost by 334 and Pussywillow had cost me a draw against a really tough list after I played some of the best warhammer I've ever played...No more treeman for me...Fuck you Pussywillow...Fuck you in the goat ass.
Josh's list is pretty heinous. He admitted straightaway that people had been giving him a hard time about it. I was certainly no exception:
Bloodthirster, flaming axe, eternal hatred the isn't hatred item
Tzeentch Herald, Chariot
1x30 Horrors
2x10 Horrors
1x7 Furies
1x7 Corndogs
1x5 Screamers
2x6 Flamers
I told him that in my opinion it's the two units of flamers that is most atrocious. The Bloodthirster leading a non Khorne army is something you run into, it's not so bad, but the second unit of flamers is the most apparent abuse of the army selection; but that's all another story...
I knew I was outclassed w/ this army. My goal was to go for a draw and hope that dumb luck might get me a win. My pep-talk for my army went something like: "Some of you are going to have to die for no good reason other than to keep his army occupied...and Pussywillow for the love of GOD don't act like a weeping vagina this game."
Deployment:
I had way more drops than Josh. I planned to use the usual strategy and loaded down my left flank early w/ the Wild Riders, Glade Riders, Eagle, and Dryads (hoping to run them out in the first turn). I dropped the wardancers in the middle to feign as though they would come through the trees. When he dropped his flamers on opposite flanks I might have gotten a hard-on. I pretty much dropped my whole right flank after he had deployed. My goal was to bum rush that right, throw 5 dice per turn on Beast Cowers to bog down the Bloodthirster, and kill his herald and screamers. Here's deployment:
Daemons Turn 1:
Josh went first and dreams were smashed from the get go. He plopped his furies right down in front of my Wild Riders. Now both them and the glade riders were march blocked and probably not going to escape the dogs. All I really cared about this turn was what he did w/ his BT. If he decided to fly over the woods and press my right flank I think he probably could have wiped me off the board, but instead he flew the BT up to trap the Wild Riders and Glade Riders on the left. Most everything advances, the flamers who I'm determined to pwn hide behind a hill. He casts flickering flame at something (can't remember) and I dispel it. He casts the big bolt from the Horror bock and I scroll that. He cast flickering flame at the blue alter noble and I dispel it.
WE Turn 1:
Nothin' to it but to do it. Wild Riders Charge those furies; I'm hoping to pop them and get into the face of the dogs and tie them up for a turn. I wanna keep that blood thirster on the left side of the wood so I give him two choices: Dryads and Glade Riders, who I put real close to the table edge because at this point I'm still under the assumption that the BT has hatred and I want him to fly off the board. the Eagle gets the hell out of dodge. On the other flank I flood the zone of the flamers. Alter on the hill planning to unload the HoDA, other two in the forest to charge turn 2 and the Wild Riders behind the terrain feature to charge through. In the middle I see an oppurtunity worth pursuing now that the BT is not a huge threat, I move Pussywillow up through the trees and into LOS of the Herald, I'm going to throw 5 dice at Wolf Hunts and see what happens...and it goes off w/ IF! Pussywillow is in combat with the Herald (though he takes a flaming wound on the stand and shoot). Shooting phase I drop 3 wounds onto the flamers from the HoDA. Combat phase and Pussywillow swings all 5 times at the Herald but only manages to do 1 wound. The Wild Riders swing like real dill-holes and only stick 2 wounds on the Furies, who stick 2 wounds back! We measure it up and they are 11 3/4" from the BT and Josh rolls a 7 to take no res damage...shit.
Daemon Turn 2:
Here comes the Bloodthirster, flanking the Wild Riders and my Glade Riders are all calling me the worst general they've ever died for. Josh makes the decision to charge the Blue Alter noble w/ the flamers. It's a good decision on Josh's part and I'm at a loss for what to do. The reason is, I thought I would kill the Herald in the last round and that pesky US5 chariot wouldn't be right behind me. Now I have no choice but to take the charge, though luckily this alter has the Amber Pendant and there's already a wound on the flamers so I'm confident that I can kill one and only suffer form 2 WS2 attacks in the close combat. The Dogs come up behind the Furies while the Screamers opt to fly over the Dryads killing a few and the Horror blocks do some shuffling. In the magic phase the little horror block on my right casts flickering flames at my Wild Riders. I pick up two dice and add my MR(1) dice and promptly roll snake eyes...fuck. They end up taking 4 wounds and now I'm left w/ a champion and standard. This turn would be bloody for the WE...before shooting and combat the board looks like this:
Shooting phase: OOPS! I totally forgot about the left flank flamers...bye bye Glade Riders.
Combat: BT completely handles the WR. The Herald fight results in Pussywillow killing the Herald. I argue that the chariot should count as destroyed but Josh diagrees. We consult Mark (tournament judge) and he sides w/ Josh, now Pussywillow has to kill the chariot in his own turn and will be right out in the open for a Big Bolt from the huge Horror block in the Daemon turn. The Blue Alter puts two wounds on the flamers and takes one himself, he flees through the chariot (but it's only US4 now!) and the flamers pursue into the Pink Alter. The board looks like this:
WE Turn 2:
Wardancers and Dryads charge the Screamers. Dryads and the Red Alter charge the flamers. The crippled Wild Riders charge the block of horrors. The range is dubious so we roll for it and fate decides the Wild Riders make it. The Blue Alter rallies but really doesn't like where he ended up.
Dryads in the bottom left flank are screwed and they know it. They shuffle towards the board edge and taunt the Bloodthrister and Corndogs "Come on dickheads, waste a turn on us!". My Lord's unit move up to prepare for hiding. In my magic phase I try to throw Beast Cowers on the BT but miscast and take a wound. The WE decide shooting is for pussies and so we go straight to the combat phase. Dryads and wardancers mop up screamers (I forgot they only have 1 wound now). Dryads and Red Alter put 2 wounds on Flamers, who return one wound on the Red Alter before the Pink Alter attacks for another 2 wounds, they take their test and pop. The Dryads overrun to be in charge range of the right flank horror block (picture not really to scale on this issue). The Wild Riders don't swing so hard, killing one Horror and drawing the combat. Pussywillow does terrible just when I need him too, doing no wounds to the chariot and forcing it to take 3 res wounds, leaving it w/ 1. Now he is immune to the Big Bolt and can kill the chariot in the Daemon turn 3 combat phase.
Daemon Turn 3:
The Corn Dogs charge the Dryads but the Bloodthirster has bigger fish to fry. He gets up in my business on the right side of the tree line and I start to sweat a little bit. The furies end up in the nook of some trees (not sure how they got there). The left flank flamers advance towards the right and the horror blocks shuffle a bit. In the magic phase the big horror block throws flickering flames at my blue alter and I dispel it. Then they throw the big bolt at my Alter and I scroll it. In the combat phase Pussywillow willow-whacks the chariot and it explodes. Over on the right flank the Wild Rider standard bearer throws a wound on the horrors and takes one back, I hold my breath and make the armor save to win the combat. The Corndogs make mustard of my dryads and run off the edge. Board looks like:
WE Turn 3:
I have some things to consider. The Blue Alter and Pussywillow are deep in enermy territory. I consider running them out but the Blue Alter already has one wound and so it only worth about 79 points now. I figure w/ that 190pt. block of horrors sitting right there that I should probably go for the points and so I blow the horn w/ my alter to make him ItP and double charge Pussywillow into the front and the alter into the flank. The Dryads on the right flank come to save the Wild Rider standard. My Lords unit runs into the trees while everything else gets out of sight of the BT.
In the combat phase Pussywillow and the Alter prance about the horror block like the Bushwhackers from early 90's WWF, throwing 5 wounds into the unit and popping them. They both decide to overrun, the Blue Alter sprinting 13" into the middle of nowhere and Pussywillow following though into the Big Block of Horrors (at this point I'm starting to have flashbacks of Games 1 and 3). On the right the dryads rip into the horrors, dealing 3 wounds, the Wild Rider adds another one but unfortunately falls to a horror attack. However a bad roll from Josh pops the unit and gives me back my captured standard.
Daemon Turn 4:
The dogs come back onto the board and bark at my Eagle. The flamer evaporate the Blue Alter, who goes down in a ball of flames screaming "Help me Tom Cruise! Put out the fire w/ your witchcraft!" The BT has been drooling over Pussywillow all game and now that he's out of the trees the BT comes flying over to put his S7 flaming axe to good use. Pussywillow looks to be be screwed and I'm hoping that he'll do what he does best and break from combat, but the leafy douchebag decides to grow balls when faced w/ certain death and sticks around after losing combat to the horrors.
WE turn 4:
It's already do the point where I'm thinking of the endgame. I push some things into the woods in the middle planning to jump out and claim table quarters in the 6th, I drop the eagle behind the dogs, I push the dryads in the upper right into the board corner to claim a table quarter. My lord and the two alter's hide in the woods. My lord, despite her intense hatred for Pussywillow, throws five dice at beast cowers on the BT rolls up a 16. Josh is down to just 4 dice and only rolls a 15, so Pussywillow is saved from certain doom and all the wood elves breathe a sigh of relief. But oh wait! Pussywillow, upon seeing that he bloodthirster is NOT going to stick the axe up his thorny ass, decides that the fight is no longer worth it and breaks from combat! Thankfully he outruns the horrors but the rest of the WE's are all shaking their heads in disbelief at the unbelievable asshattery of this daft fucking tree.
Daemon Turn 5:
The horrors decide not to charge Pussywillow (who has 4 wounds left) and rather to combine flamer shooting w/ the Big Bolt to take him down (since I was out of scrolls at this point). *NOTE: my pictures differ from the report here, I though the flamers roasted my eagle but I was wrong, the eagle survives and remains behind the Corndogs all game). The dice completely screw Josh this turn, his flamers fail to put a single wound on Pussywillow; and after I failed to dispel the Big Bolt on 4 dice Josh only rolled 4 hits at S6, doing 2 wounds bringing the Big Fag (pun intended) down to 2 wounds.
WE Turn 5:
Pussywillow rallies...whew. But my Lord catches him batting his eyelashes at the Bloodthirster (who was GHB'd last turn w/ Beast Cowers). The spellweaver scolds Pussywillow for being a complete homo and casts The Wolf Hunts on him to send him into the furies for 72 extra VP. Pussywillow, distraught over his denied love affair lays down his branches and refuses to wound any furies, who take 2 wounds from combat res and wonder why this depressed tree is bugging them. As we head into Turn 6 it is apparent to all wood elves at the board save for myself that Pussywillow is bitter and lonely and that he will surely fuck me in Turn 6.
Daemon Turn 6:
The horror block charges Pussywillow in the rear (I think it was actually the flank but it's inconsequential) as he bawls over the departure of his Bloodthirster crush, who flies into the upper right to contest the table quarter. In combat he swings half heartedly as he dolefully sings "Where have all the cowboys gone?" by Paula Cole, killing 2 furies w/ his awful voice. He loses the combat and all the WE's prepare for him to break when, to the surprise of all, he decides to stick around out of sheer apathy.
WE Turn 6:
The WE's pop out the woods to claim their table quarters. Everyone turns towards Pussywillow, if he continues to stand (even if it's just out of apathy) we still stand a chance. In combat he swings and kills the last fury...it's all down to this, do it Pussywillow! Do it! Win us the the game you beautiful bastard! At the last moment Pussywillow looks up...he's not sad anymore...what's that on his face...why...why it's a sneer!!!
"FUCK YOU JOHNNY!!!" he screams as his break test rolls an 11. He runs off in glee, his bare ass hanging from his foliage w/ the words "Bite Me" scrawled across his barky buttcheeks. The horrors are so flabbergasted they decide not even to pursue and contest a table quarter instead.
I'm absolutely pissed the fuck off...I'm considering walking outside and punting the treeman model over the fence. I add up points w/ Josh and it turns out I lost by 334 and Pussywillow had cost me a draw against a really tough list after I played some of the best warhammer I've ever played...No more treeman for me...Fuck you Pussywillow...Fuck you in the goat ass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
